Monday, 1 December 2014

Faith, hope and a little clarity

It came out of the blue. One of those little blips that throws you out for a day or so. All of a sudden I just didn't want to get out of bed. Life felt bleak and terribly dull. What was the point of it all?

It's strange how mood patterns work. One day I was fine - focused and busy - and the next, totally de-motivated. Most likely I was sunk by a hormonal glitch, lack of sleep or a drop in adrenalin. Whatever the physiological reason for it, I felt generally disenchanted with life (and myself).
Winter dog walk
Sunshine to banish winter blues

I'm fine now - cured no doubt by a nice Sunday lunch out, a burst of winter sunshine and some more sleep. It doesn't take much. I am no Byronic hero. Nevertheless, it made me realise how important it is to feel optimistic. Strip out that magic ingredient 'hope' and suddenly life feels too real, too harsh. 

Without hope, everyone in West Africa is going to perish of Ebola; the novel I am in the middle of writing is sheer dross; the children are growing away from me emotionally (making my role as mum redundant); and my daily routine is merely a succession of chores. Yesterday, I believed all of that. 

Today, looking through the prism of hope, the picture is very different. I do believe that GSK will successfully develop its Ebola vaccine. Equally, I know that I've still got a few good years with the kids before they cast me off for Instagram and bad romances. As for the novel, it's not all bad, I hope.

There are, of course, many who struggle to remain buoyant. That lack of hope, or faith that life will improve at some point, must be devastating. Which makes me feel all the more grateful that I am back on track. Let me never be without hope. Amen.


Mrs Dalloway by Virginia Woolf
Clarissa Dalloway spends the day reminiscing about her youth and preparing for a party. Later she hears about the fate of a WW1 veteran suffering from post-traumatic stress. Using modernist techniques, Woolf reveals her characters from the inside out.

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